REPORT CARD

A father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the
pillow. It was addressed “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened
the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you, but I’m
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I
know when you meet him you’ll like him too – even with all his
piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the
passion Dad, I’m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the
kid and that we can be very happy together.

Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn’t so old these
days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn’t stand
in the way of our relationship, don’t you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the
woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It’s true he
has other girlfriends as well but I know he’ll be faithful to me in
his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s
now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and he’ll be
growing it for us and we’ll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science
will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves
it!!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters ” PTO”.

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that’s in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home.

I love you!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie
 

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