A look at Cross sexual relationships

I have always gotten along extremely well with girls, some would even say better than I do with men, so it’s no surprise that my best friend is a girl, she has been for almost 6 years and I’ve loved every moment of it. The problem is usually the attitude people get when they hear about this. Apparently nobody believes we can be just friends, and this includes anybody we have individually dated. We both say we don’t care since we have been through too much as friends to let people affect us with their comments, what matters is that we will always be friends but I do wonder if our friendship affects our ability to be in healthy relationships

According to Bleske Rechek adult males reported more attraction to their friend than emerging adult females did, regardless of their own or their friend’s current relationship status. Young (23-27), emerging (18-23) and middle-aged (35-50) adult males and females nominated attraction to their cross-sex friend as a cost more often than as a benefit. Younger females and middle-aged participants who reported more attraction to a current cross-sex friend reported less satisfaction in their current romantic relationship. This would explain why people are so convinced that there are feelings involved.

Cross sexual friendships incite jealousy in romantic partners and hence we must re assure our romantic partners that the friendship isn’t a threat, this however is easier said than done. Tell you lady or man that you just came from a sleepover at your friend’s house and the poo hits the fan really fast.

The reasons such friendships rarely work out is because mostly, the media instills in men and women the suggestion that they should be attracted to their cross-sex friends. The media portrays ‘‘normal’’ relationships between men and women as sexual, and hence non-sexual relationships between men and women as strange and essentially impossible. This is evident in all the corny movies and soaps where the main characters yearn for love, date a bunch of guys before they realize love was there all along in the form of their friend (yawn) don’t get me wrong, I am a beige fan of these sappy movies and as a head in the clouds romantic, I do believe in these romantic things but I’m a bit skeptical that I can find the love of my life be friends and not know I have feelings for her.

The problem with these friendships is mainly the men since:

1) Men overestimate attraction from their female friends. We think all women want us and our friends are no exception to that…shame on us. This is in contrast to women who underestimate men’s attraction to them and mostly don’t even realize you are trying to express romantic interest in them.

2) Young men experience more attraction to their friends than young women do. We are more likely to be attracted to our female friends

3) Men perceive attraction to their female friends as a benefit as opposed to women who view attraction to their male friends as a distinct negative and as a cost.

4) Men’s attraction does not vary with relationship status; women’s does. We don’t care if our friend is in a relationship or not, if there is vested interest we will try till the end of time……or until we get what we want which could vary. But women do care, they have the sense to keep their attraction under wraps if the man is in a relationship, kudos to them.

The reasons you may feel that the relationship would do better if it was romantic is more often than not wrong since, for starters, the reasons you love her as a friend may not be particularly be what you look for in a relationship.

Also men benefit more from these friendships since you can talk to your female friends about things that you cannot to your male friends without being labeled as a bit…gay.so if it’s up to me, don’t ruin that by going from a platonic to a romantic relationship.

Finally, there is bound to be some sexual tension between two friends, the best way to handle this would be to talk about it. I once had a friend I tried to flirt with who blatantly told me she wouldn’t date me if I was the last man on earth, and boy do I appreciate that now since we are better friends than we were then

According to me, who may speak as a professional on this, to ensure your friendships last, don’t ignore the most important things, especially sexual tension, there may be some things that may attract you to your friend, don’t act all coy, do tell them and see how he/she reacts.

However, that being said, I tend to disagree with society and moralists which discourages casual sex on the basis that it’s unladylike and wrong. At the risk of being burned at the stake as a heretic, this isn’t 1960 where women were the lesser sex and I got mine hope you get yours mentality reigned. I think a woman has the right to have as much sex as she wants with whoever she wants provided it’s her choice, what makes it ok for a man to sleep with hordes of women and be adored while a lady sleeps with a number of men and she is labeled a slut???

To me, if two friends feel sufficiently evolved to sleep with each other no strings attached why not, not to be a cliché but you really do only live once. Plus, you never know you may just be sleeping with the future father or mother of your kids…….probably not, but there is a chance. This also applies to same sex friends, if you are a girl and you want to sleep with you female friends who are as open minded as you, go ahead, knock yourself out.

There is even a book that gives you a very precise step by step method to cross from the friend zone to a relationship but that’s for next time.