Ravings of a sad and lonely clown

So it’s been quite a while since I last posted here….reason why…my life was going great, not to say I only write when I am miserable, but I usually write to vent so I have been busy just doing stuff. A lot has been happening in my life, I finished university but haven’t graduated yet, I moved from my house and moved back home with my mum, I haven’t dated in almost two years and I lost touch with everyone I used to talk to.
I searched for a job but I knew it was an exercise in futility, the government is so proud to announce that the economy has risen and we are now the 9th richest country on the continent. To apply some reduction ad absurdum….whoopty freaking doo….what does that do for me? The citizens have never been more miserable, everything is more expensive, people losing their jobs left and right, the cost of living is now higher than ever, thousands more are unemployed….i mean what good is it even if we were the richest country on the planet and I am still struggling? I am a big supporter of the government but how about you keep some of this stuff to yourselves until you help the suffering people first?
Another issue, I am usually a very happy man, I love laughing, as evidenced by my twitter and Facebook feed, I post a lot of jokes….but lately I am finding less and less to laugh about. I am not depressed, I am just disillusioned. Growing up I was told, study hard and go to university then when you finish you will get a good job….well I completed my degree and guess what, so did everybody else, every person of this generation has a degree so now the only option I have is get my butt back to school and get a masters (which I am sure the minute I am done ever freaking person will have one as well). I am not mad at anyone in particular, I just want to leave my mum’s house, be a man and pay my own bills.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very comfortable but I have been thinking of the jobs available to me, the most readily available is selling insurance which I cannot do to save my life. They are paid on commission and I know I would never get paid, I am not very convincing and I suck as a liar so that’s out. I thought I could try being a high class male escort but that is laughable, I am not Channing Tatum or Joe Manganiello heck I’m not like any guy in magic mike, I don’t have a killer body and a deep voice. I am a lean guy with an eerily high pitched voice. Any lady who would pay me to be her male companion would have to be crazy or a serial murderer. Plus I don’t bring out the crazy ‘take me right here right now emotions in women’ I am the more,’awww you are such a nice guy, let’s be friends’ kind of guy.
I could try selling drugs or doing anything illegal but I am too much of a coward, I can’t run if I am chased and should I be arrested, these wet noodles I call arms would stop very few prison rapes, the inmates would be lining up to get a piece, so no thank you. They say the key to trying new things is confidence but I am confident I won’t try any of those so I am still thinking of more options.
Speaking of my mum, she is the greatest human being on earth, she doesn’t mind me staying here for as long as it takes but she told me she knows I am a lazy ass and if I stay at home I will never look for a job…which is true. So in my time here, I have become very well acquainted with the Kardashians, I Know what celebrity did what and who changed their hair, I know the fashion tips for summer, I now know who Zuhair Murad is and  what a crop top and faux leather pants are….i mean I am going out of my mind. I can very comfortably host E news with Giuliana and Terrence. Basically I do nothing but watch mind numbing television. On the plus side, I can name a number of animals I didn’t know, and I think I can be a bit of a scientist and geologist thanks to Nat Geo….but I don’t think my mum spent so much money on my education for me to come stay home and just be a general nuisance.
The unemployment affects my dating life, because as a general romantic I cannot date a lady because I need to take her out and buy her nice stuff and all that. Also I am way past the age of bringing girls back to my mother’s house. So last year in anticipation of that, last year I decided to try a whole year of being single and celibate…and it worked….it worked toooo well, now I am a sexually repressed human being who is a gentle breeze away from having an accident in my pants. So I have tried everything there is to try, I have tried being lascivious, I have tried celibacy, now next I will try being in a relationship and seeing if I can stave off the feeling of blowing my brains out after a week.
I am also really worried about the kind of girl I will get. As time goes girls seem to get more, for lack of a better word, emancipated. Everybody has always been for the rights of the girl child, exhibit A, Emma Watson’s #HeforShe and I am down with that, but they seem to forget that the boy child needs attention too. Men are becoming drunks and having to deal with today’s woman is a nightmare. I don’t want to get a woman who seems to think she is too good to cook, or clean or respect me just because she is educated and earns a good salary. These women are the devil’s life coaches in my opinion.

After all these years you would think I would have gotten quite a number of friends, because let’s face it, I am adorable, nice and I get along with people. But noooo, I have fewer friends than ever, the friends I did have turned out to be some crappy ass people, the few good ones I have are all busy and I haven’t seen them in months. You would think a grown ass man can pick better friends but sadly, my socialization level is at a pre-teen level which is pretty sad if you ask me. All I want is a group of friends who I can hang out with and be silly with, like the fellas in Friends, or how I met your mother or basically any group that is cool

But I am a glass half full kind of guy, I have my health, I have the basic needs and I have internet access, I am good. But maybe it is time for us to quit being the problem and being the solution, create your own jobs, stop relying on other people for your happiness and learn to take the positives in every situation. Ancient Greeks had a term for living up to one’s potential, Telos. The challenge of our lives is figuring out what we were born to do and doing it to the best of our abilities. The real Greek tragedy is spending the rest of your life chasing the wrong Telos.

So the my article’s raison d’etre…the economy is getting better but the citizens lives are going down the proverbial toilet, unemployment is a bitch and I am a whiny skinny man who needs to find friends and get laid, not in that particular order. And as usual if you read this and it offends you, I don’t care, I didn’t ask you to read it but if you read it and it strikes a chord with you, then you are welcome.

à la prochaine

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2 Responses to “Ravings of a sad and lonely clown”

  1. ha ha. …good stuff!!!

  2. Thank you very much for reading Tabs 😊

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