Archive for SEX

Being Single

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on March 3, 2014 by bespokekenya

What happened to the days when you could say you were single and people would envy you? Nowadays you tell people you are single and they look at you with that…look-at-that-loser look…and in my case they actual do say that out loud…but my friends only, nobody else has the audacity to call me a loser(at least not to my face)it seems that the whole world has become enthralled with the idea of being  a couple, never mind that almost half the people in relationships are cheating but what matters is they can associate as part of a romantic pair.

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This is also seen in the musical numbers being churned out by the day, what happened to the happy to be single songs? I don’t mean like Jason Derulo’s  ridin’ solo (that was not a man celebrating being single, it was a man wishing he was still in a relationship).I absolutely love Mirrors by Justin Timberlake but I wish there was a less depressing song a single person like me could sing to and not feel like I should be curled up in the fetal position with a ton of ice cream crying. My friend, who is recently single, recently being 3 days, just told me that all love songs are depressing…why do we associate with a certain kind of music when we are in different states? I think we should listen to all love songs and be indifferent even after a break up after all it’s not like we were was dating the one who is singing or the song isn’t about us (unless you happen to have dated Taylor swift, or Adele, then you are well and truly screwed).but this helps expound my idea on needing less depressing songs. I think Macklemore and Lewis had a good idea with the thrift shop jam, now that’s a good song, even a poor person who cannot afford designer wear can jam to this and feel empowered.

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These days it feels like I’m engaging in a lot of conversations that involve the words dry spell. Getting some, lonely and more dramatic ones like, use it or lose it. There is nothing wrong with being celibate. Recently I attended a church service where the pastor said that as society progresses. The trend is getting worrying; the single people are having more than the married ones sex and with more partners. According to me, this can all be blamed on women.

it used to be the men who were “chasing tail “to use a crude reference but now the tables have turned and women also ventured into the  foray. As a man, you are always expected to try to score with a lady, and in the olden days we could always rely on the ladies to shoot you down and thus the rampant sex wasn’t as evident as it is now. These days the numbers of girls who shoot men down are dwindling by the day. Also the women now feel empowered enough to walk up to a man and suggest casual sex with a straight face. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is a good thing. I thought it would turn me on to no end when a lady did that to me, but oh the naivety of youth.

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The first time that happened to me I was very flattered thinking, I must be all  sorts of adorable to have someone as hot as her suggest casual sex and I got a huge ego boost(which my friends will say I did not need since I am my own biggest fan) however at some point it becomes old. Unfortunately men really do want the thrill of the chase, even the lazy ones like me. The stupidly constructed adage  ‘why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free’ meaning that men wouldn’t date a lady who sleeps with them while not in a relationship, never mind that these same men say you are uppity when you refuse to sleep with them, thus my parting shot on this is, you can never please  everybody no matter how hard you try, so give up trying and just do what makes you happy, if you want to hold on to it why not, if you want to exorcise your sexual demons outside a relationship, still why not, it’s a free country, for those men and women who judge others since they can’t understand why they do what they do and use terms like slut,whore,loose,go to hell, that’s that.

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If you are single quit fretting about lack of a partner, just keep doing you, don’t put your life on pause waiting for someone, do whatever makes you happy and  make yourself a better you .find some new hobbies, and use every relationship as a lesson, never let the next relationship get the same person you were in the previous one…the reason I say this is because for a long time I believed I was God’s gift to women, thinking I was the best boyfriend in the world since I’m a romantic and all, but reality check time, I realized I was a pompous ass and this belief that I was a good boyfriend was causing the end of my relationships since I always assumed the ladies were the problem. I can be a bit annoying and have larger than life expectations sometimes but I’ve learnt that to be happy learn to have low expectations and thus you will never be disappointed and lastly learn to accept people as they are don’t judge anyone because you do not understand them, be open to new things and get out of your comfort zone, do that and you will be happier than you have been, and this I say from experience.

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But at this age where we are all worried because we are supposed to be looking for partners because our biological clocks are ticking, and yes even men are included. but i just think that if you believe you will get the special person meant for you. Leave the happy couples you see,you don’t know what skeletons are in their closets plus,there’s a reason and a season for everything. use this time to enjoy yourself because one day you will be in a relationship and you will wish you were single or at least wish you had some great memories from when you were single.

Being single doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve and t doesn’t mean you know nothing about love, it’s just wiser than being in a fake relationship.

à la prochaine

 

 

 

 

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Being Single

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2013 by bespokekenya

beWhat happened to the days when you could say you were single and people would envy you? Nowadays you tell people you are single and they look at you with that…look-at-that-loser look…and in my case they actual do say that out loud…but my friends only, nobody else has the audacity to call me a loser(at least not to my face).it seems that the whole world has become enthralled with the idea of being  a couple, never mind that almost half the people in relationships are cheating but what matters is they can associate as part of a romantic pair.

This is also seen in the musical numbers being churned out by the day, what happened to the happy to be single songs? I don’t mean like Jason Derulo’s ridin’ solo (that was not a man celebrating being single, it was a man wishing he was still in a relationship).I absolutely love Mirrors by Justin Timberlake but I wish there was a less depressing song a single person like me could sing to and not feel like I should be curled up in the fetal position with a ton of ice cream crying. My friend, who is recently single, recently being 3 days, just told me that all love songs are depressing…why do we associate with a certain kind of music when we are in different states? I think we should listen to all love songs and be indifferent even after a break up after all it’s not like we were was dating the one who is singing or the song isn’t about us (unless you happen to have dated Taylor swift, or Adele, then you are well and truly screwed).but this helps expound my idea on needing less depressing songs. I think Macklemore and Lewis had a good idea with the thrift shop jam, now that’s a good song, even a poor person who cannot afford designer wear can jam to this and feel empowered.

These days it feels like I’m engaging in a lot of conversations that involve the words dry spell. Getting some, lonely and more dramatic ones like, use it or lose it. There is nothing wrong with being celibate. Recently I attended a church service where the pastor said that as society progresses. The trend is getting worrying; the single people are having more than the married ones sex and with more partners. According to me, this can all be blamed on women.

it used to be the men who were “chasing tail “to use a crude reference but now the tables have turned and women also ventured into the  foray. As a man, you are always expected to try to score with a lady, and in the olden days we could always rely on the ladies to shoot you down and thus the rampant sex wasn’t as evident as it is now. These days the numbers of girls who shoot men down are dwindling by the day. Also the women now feel empowered enough to walk up to a man and suggest casual sex with a straight face. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is a good thing. I thought it would turn me on to no end when a lady did that to me, but oh the naivety of youth.

The first time that happened to me I was very flattered thinking, I must be all  sorts of adorable to have someone as hot as her suggest casual sex and I got a huge ego boost(which m y friends will say I did not need since I am my own biggest fan) however at some point it becomes old. Unfortunately men really do want the thrill of the chase, even the lazy ones like me. The stupidly constructed adage  ‘why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free’ meaning that men wouldn’t date a lady who sleeps with them while not in a relationship, never mind that these same men say you are uppity when you refuse to sleep with them, thus my parting shot on this is, you can never please  everybody no matter how hard you try, so give up trying and just do what makes you happy, if you want to hold on to it why not, if you want to exorcise your sexual demons outside a relationship, still why not, it’s a free country, for those men and women who judge others since they can’t understand why they do what they do and use terms like slut,whore,loose,go to hell, that’s that.

If you are single quit fretting about lack of a partner, just keep doing you, don’t put your life on pause waiting for someone, do whatever makes you happy and  make yourself a better you .find some new hobbies, and use every relationship as a lesson, never let the next relationship get the same person you were in the previous one…the reason I say this is because for a long time I believed I was God’s gift to women, thinking I was the best boyfriend in the world since I’m a romantic and all, but reality check time, I realized I was a pompous ass and this belief that I was a good boyfriend was causing the end of my relationships since I always assumed the ladies were the problem. I can be a bit annoying and have larger than life expectations sometimes but I’ve learnt that to be happy learn to have low expectations and thus you will never be disappointed and lastly learn to accept people as they are don’t judge anyone because you do not understand them, be open to new things and get out of your comfort zone, do that and you will be happier than you have been, and this I say from experience.

being single doesnt mean you are weak,it means you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve and t doesnt mean you know nothing about love,its just wiser than being in a fake relationship.

à la prochaine

A look at Cross sexual relationships

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 24, 2013 by bespokekenya

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I have always gotten along extremely well with girls, some would even say better than I do with men, so it’s no surprise that my best friend is a girl, she has been for almost 6 years and I’ve loved every moment of it. The problem is usually the attitude people get when they hear about this. Apparently nobody believes we can be just friends, and this includes anybody we have individually dated. We both say we don’t care since we have been through too much as friends to let people affect us with their comments, what matters is that we will always be friends but I do wonder if our friendship affects our ability to be in healthy relationships

According to Bleske Rechek adult males reported more attraction to their friend than emerging adult females did, regardless of their own or their friend’s current relationship status. Young (23-27), emerging (18-23) and middle-aged (35-50) adult males and females nominated attraction to their cross-sex friend as a cost more often than as a benefit. Younger females and middle-aged participants who reported more attraction to a current cross-sex friend reported less satisfaction in their current romantic relationship. This would explain why people are so convinced that there are feelings involved.

Cross sexual friendships incite jealousy in romantic partners and hence we must re assure our romantic partners that the friendship isn’t a threat, this however is easier said than done. Tell you lady or man that you just came from a sleepover at your friend’s house and the poo hits the fan really fast.

The reasons such friendships rarely work out is because mostly, the media instills in men and women the suggestion that they should be attracted to their cross-sex friends. The media portrays ‘‘normal’’ relationships between men and women as sexual, and hence non-sexual relationships between men and women as strange and essentially impossible. This is evident in all the corny movies and soaps where the main characters yearn for love, date a bunch of guys before they realize love was there all along in the form of their friend (yawn) don’t get me wrong, I am a beige fan of these sappy movies and as a head in the clouds romantic, I do believe in these romantic things but I’m a bit skeptical that I can find the love of my life be friends and not know I have feelings for her.

The problem with these friendships is mainly the men since:

1) Men overestimate attraction from their female friends. We think all women want us and our friends are no exception to that…shame on us. This is in contrast to women who underestimate men’s attraction to them and mostly don’t even realize you are trying to express romantic interest in them.

2) Young men experience more attraction to their friends than young women do. We are more likely to be attracted to our female friends

3) Men perceive attraction to their female friends as a benefit as opposed to women who view attraction to their male friends as a distinct negative and as a cost.

4) Men’s attraction does not vary with relationship status; women’s does. We don’t care if our friend is in a relationship or not, if there is vested interest we will try till the end of time……or until we get what we want which could vary. But women do care, they have the sense to keep their attraction under wraps if the man is in a relationship, kudos to them.

The reasons you may feel that the relationship would do better if it was romantic is more often than not wrong since, for starters, the reasons you love her as a friend may not be particularly be what you look for in a relationship.

Also men benefit more from these friendships since you can talk to your female friends about things that you cannot to your male friends without being labeled as a bit…gay.so if it’s up to me, don’t ruin that by going from a platonic to a romantic relationship.

Finally, there is bound to be some sexual tension between two friends, the best way to handle this would be to talk about it. I once had a friend I tried to flirt with who blatantly told me she wouldn’t date me if I was the last man on earth, and boy do I appreciate that now since we are better friends than we were then

According to me, who may speak as a professional on this, to ensure your friendships last, don’t ignore the most important things, especially sexual tension, there may be some things that may attract you to your friend, don’t act all coy, do tell them and see how he/she reacts.

However, that being said, I tend to disagree with society and moralists which discourages casual sex on the basis that it’s unladylike and wrong. At the risk of being burned at the stake as a heretic, this isn’t 1960 where women were the lesser sex and I got mine hope you get yours mentality reigned. I think a woman has the right to have as much sex as she wants with whoever she wants provided it’s her choice, what makes it ok for a man to sleep with hordes of women and be adored while a lady sleeps with a number of men and she is labeled a slut???

To me, if two friends feel sufficiently evolved to sleep with each other no strings attached why not, not to be a cliché but you really do only live once. Plus, you never know you may just be sleeping with the future father or mother of your kids…….probably not, but there is a chance. This also applies to same sex friends, if you are a girl and you want to sleep with you female friends who are as open minded as you, go ahead, knock yourself out.

There is even a book that gives you a very precise step by step method to cross from the friend zone to a relationship but that’s for next time.

 

 

HOW TO IDENTIFY A PERVERT

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 5, 2013 by bespokekenya

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Men are always blamed for being perverts and while this may be true, make no mistakes, women can be bigger perverts too, but at least they are better at hiding it, that or its perceived as adorable or not as disgusting as when men do it.

So how do you know a friend is a pervert??

1) They have the uncanny ability to turn simple words into crass jokes. This is done almost unintentionally, kind of a reflex that grows and develops over time. Kind of the elementary ’

That’s-what-she-said’ jokes. These are double entendres things like, when your friend says the thunder is coming, he/she turns it sexual, when they say they like salads and somehow the perv has to insert tossing salads in the conversation

 

2) They have nasty photos on their phone or computer of lady or man parts, and these are usually the well covered parts not parts we see daily…..weeeeelll its my personal view that while having such photos for a chic isn’t necessarily bad….if you are hot, for men its kind of expected but also gross to some ladies and to these ladies I say, GROW UP, you shouldn’t overreact to porn so long as he isn’t forcing you to watch or look at. Moving on swiftly..

 

3) They insist on keeping passwords on their phones or computers, not because they have anything particularly important but because they have some sick stuff they don’t want others to see. Welll…in their defense maybe they just like their privacy or they have secret things to hide like…they are cheating…or they have a nasty STI but bottom line is, you only have passwords when you have something to hide.

 

4) These people have proclivities that don’t fit in with the social norms. Such things include activities like, peeking up girls skirts’, staring at a woman’s chest area shamelessly, or a man’s groin area…….the chest staring for women can sometimes not be helped because of how they dress not trying to justify this but m just saying….

 

5) Browsing the internet for porn ever so often, or even daily. While some of us may try to defend that as normal behavior, I know of a couple of people that would beg to differ.

 

6) They associate everything you say with sex even if you were on a whole different level. This includes activities like chuckling at saying words like wet, hard, stiff etc. Very juvenile

 

7) They generally talk to others in a disrespectful manner as if you are an object. This includes manhandling women, or grabbing men in inappropriate areas and pretending it’s an accident.

 

8) They look for any chance to see someone of the opposite sex in a state of undress and linger. Some may go as far as

Hiding and watching people shower or dress in secret.

While some of these antics may provide a laugh or two to some, most generally frown upon excessive use of them. So if you have a friend who is like this, you should advise them to join perverts anonymous, or set them up with some of your perverted friends of the opposite sex, I believe two perverts in a relationship would get on very well, like hay and fire, plus the relationship would never get mundane since they would always find pervy ways of spicing it up.

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Birthday Resolutions

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 18, 2012 by bespokekenya

Turning 21 means i have to start being and acting like an adult which sucks btw so i made some new resolutions,,,n yes,i make resolutions on my birthday not on new years because thats so cliched.

1.be very positive and always look at evrythn from a bettr angle—thse who know me knw m the mst positiveperson evr on most occassions bt this time ill never be negative,,,,,everrrrr….or atleast ill try.

2 start reading the bible——its been 8 years since i read the bible well like it deserves and whtever situation you are in God is always always in control and being that he ha let me see another year should be reason enough to try and know him more

3 start going to church whn m in school—–my mum hs alwys tld me to go to church whn m at hme so i never miss evn a sunday,bt whn im alone its like i cn never find the psyche to go,id love to blame the devil and say he influences me bt to b honest,m just lazy an look for too many excuses not to…but i need someone to go with cz i hate goin to new places alone….which brings me to….

4 learn to do things on my own—–im a pretty private person so i prefer doing mst stf by myself bt i cannot understand for the life of me why i cannot go to new places public or private alone,probably cz i want company incase i make an ass of myself,which explains why i dont go to church,hotels,visiting people

5 stay way from relationships——im always happy when m single,thn i meet someone and decide it would be better if i dated them cz well,ive had enough of being single,but it neeeeevr works out,i always get bored a week or 2 into it.so ths year i dnt wnt to be in a serious relationship until im mature enough to be in one.women deserve better than having a guy who leaves when they are into him.

6 stay away from sex—–sex is overrated..i think and when you arent into a person,it always ruins things.meet a girl you like thn the moment you consumate,you lose interest.so ive decided,next time i meet someone i like,i get to know them 1st for a year or so before sleepn wth them thn mayb ill have a chance of fulfiling number 5

7 treat sue better—-sue has always been my best friend and the only chic i could run to but i never treat her as well as she deserves so this year im to show her how special and priceless she is to me,so i hope ill make that happen

8 try out new things and take risks—-im a very safe person which in turn makes me have a very safe and predictable life,so all my friends cn evn judge wht ill b doin b4 i do it,which is alwys locked up watchn movies,so ths year m burstng out of my comfort zone and take risks be it in making friends,travellin or financially so m going to blow my money like a coked up rockstar and hopefully evrything will work out well

9 show the people who matter to me that they do—i have a small circle of friends that i dnt shw hw important they are to me and ths year ill do just that

10 get rid of friends who arent adding value to my life—–i have friedns whose work is only calling whn they need something or when whn i do so ths year if you see us drifting its probably not by accident.

11 stop cursing and using unsavoury language—–i curse alot and thats a disgusting habit cz who the fuck curses at evrything holy shit i just did t agen crap…..lemme stop there

12 treat people better and always be the bigger man thats self explanatoryImage